To All Grooms Out There: Nobody Cares

According to the WeddingWire’s WedInsight series engagement report, 38% of engagements occur between November and February, with Christmas being the #1 day for people to get engaged. This explains why you’ve probably seen so many of your timelines flooded with engagement photos over the holiday season. In the coming months, I’m going to be marrying the woman of my dreams and begin creating little baby Jamals for the world to enjoy (not immediately, trying to get this paper!). I will say that the Queen and I have had our fair share of ups and downs, yet we continue to do battle alongside each other against those dark forces (I’m looking at you, white supremacy) that try to take us down. It’s been a journey to say the least thats included a lot of stages, twists, and turns throughout the years, however, no stage could have ever prepared me for where I stand now: husband-to-be. This particular stage has been described by many people as everything from “the get out before its too late” stage to “one of the best times in your life” stage and I’m more on the “nobody gives a crap about me”  in this stage of the journey.  It’s an interesting time where you and your wife-(or groom) to-be are truly working towards a better tomorrow and planning the journey for your future kids. You’re deciding on whether or not a family member should attend a wedding despite wanting to fight you over a social media friend request as well as explaining to someone else what exactly chicken piccata is. Your wife-to-be is excited about picking out the lovely dress that according to tradition you can’t see until the day of, but I digress. Honestly, truly, it is a great time.

On the other hand, people don’t tell you that as the groom you’re really not supposed to have a say in most things until AFTER the wedding. If you’re the type of groom that doesn’t really care about anything and just wants to show up, that’s cool. But, for those that want to be involved in what is supposed to be a day that represents you and yours, get ready!  You want an entrance? It ain’t about you, b. Oh, you want to pull up in a pink Range Rover ala Cam’ron? Nah, chill on that. “This is HER day”. You just need to show up and look handsome and cry when you see the Bride so it can go viral and be #goals (lol).Traditionally, its been depicted that men don’t care about the wedding or as TheKnot puts it,  “only needs to focus on the Big Three: venue, guest list, and the date.”  However,  I believe that this is an old school, gender normative way of thinking. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve met with people planning the wedding and they’ll straight up ask for her opinion on EVERYTHING  and won’t even bat an eye over this way until the Queen inquires about my opinion. Thankfully, my wife to be values my thoughts and feelings when it comes to the wedding, however, some of these vendors gon’ to have to shoot me a fade on sight after the wedding (just kidding).

When I shared my feelings about being a husband to be during the engagement period with a few friends and family, they quickly exited stage left. A couple of people lamented on the fact that the entire engagement isn’t about the two of us, its really about the Bride. Another person questioned why would I even want to come out in a pink Range Rover? TO…STUNT…ON…THESE…FOLKS, B!

They say that your wedding day should be a reflection of the love in your relationship as well as both of your respective personalities, and I believe that should and can happen if these old tropes would get out of the way. There’s more to being a husband-to-be than just the bachelor party (although this is a huge and necessary event) and we have to break tradition to make the experience that much better for you and yours. Will I have an entrance in my wedding? Hell yea! Will I get a pink Range Rover? We’ll see. A few things that I do know though is that I will be stunting. I’ve had conversations with some of my friends that are husbands and they felt the same way.  Although they may not have been included in much of the planning, they compensated by having an awesome honeymoon or a great wedding band. All in all, I appreciate that my wife-to-be is excited to share in the highs/lows of this experience AND help me fade some of those vendors!

A Few Things You Can Do:

  1. Have the conversation with your future wife (or groom) bout your level of input or effort you want to put into the wedding. Do you want a say on every single decision? Or just when it comes to money time?
  2. It’s YOUR day too. Have fun in the planning process and incorporate things that reflect who you are whether thats the music your groomsmen may come out to during the reception or even your own entrance if you want one.
  3. Communicate with other grooms or husbands that can provide advice about the experience. What works? What doesn’t?
  4. Have those folks put some “respek” on your name!

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